Sweet Mistakes, Such Sweet Mistakes.
As a divorced dad, there’s people who ask what I’d do different if I could do it over. They suggest that having married my kids’ mom was a mistake. And maybe in a lot of ways it was. But, Oh, what a sweet mistake. Because of that “mistake” I have three beautiful, sweet daughters that I love deeply and I know they love me too. Besides that, there was a lot of good to that marriage, and never minding the things that ended it, I try to remember with pleasure the good that came from that “mistake”.
But, let’s set me aside for a couple minutes here. I’m sure all of my readers know somebody who was born as a “mistake”, right? I mean, some people say they were a “surprise”, or an “accident”, but we all know what that means- their mom made a mistake, and had a child. What a sweet punishment for having a mistake, right? I’m not seeking to minimize the hardships of unplanned pregnancy, or single motherhood, or any of those things. We all know that is an incredibly tough row to hoe. But who can hold a baby, then watch them grow, and call that precious life a “mistake”?
I’d love to hear it if you think I’m nuts…that would just be another mistake to lear from, eh?
via Daily Prompt: Mistake
Learning to Love (and Live) Again
We met cautiously, online
Then for a glass or two of wine
There was an unspoken, mutual hope
That we could more than cope
There’s been, for both, heartbreak and pain
Perhaps we can break that miserable chain
Maybe together we’ll learn
And find that for which all yearn
Two souls with mutual trust
Past loves have all gone bust
But all beings crave to be
One of two, loving tenderly
Oh, so slowly, softly, day by day
Learning, trusting, till some day
We may, side by side, partners be
One flesh, one mind, loving tenderly
Wishing love for you all,
via Daily Prompt: Learning
Today’s post is prompted by the Daily Prompt: Fifty, but totally inspired by the great Alberta Singer/ Songwriter Ian Tyson. This old song of his titled “Fifty Years Ago” rolls through my mind every once in a while, and the soundtrack played instantly through my mind when I saw the word “fifty”. Maybe I have an old soul, ’cause I sure don’t remember anything from fifty years ago. Heck, I don’t even know if my dad had dreamed of having a boy named Duane fifty years ago yet. But yet, the almost haunting reminiscent tone of this song has caught me since I was not even half of fifty yet. And now, 80% of the way to fifty, it still speaks the same.
Here is the Chorus:
And the sighing of the pines
Up here near the timberline
Makes me wish I’d done things different
Oh, but wishing don’t make it so
Oh the time has passed so quick
The years all run together now
Did I hold Juanita yesterday
Or was it fifty years ago.
And if you’ve ever heard the song, I bet you were singing it in your head just now.
I’ll include a youtube link for anyone who wants to hear this tune:
via Daily Prompt: Fifty
Only “as old as I act”? Or is it “as old as I feel”?
I prefer “As YOUNG as I wanna be”!
I’m too young for questions that complicated. Ya right! But I did have a lot of fun hanging out with my kids this week, and not acting my age. I guess to someone in their fifty’s, in forty is the prime of youth anyway, right? It was a lot of fun to go on amusement park rides that my logical mind told me I’d have to be insane to do. It’s a lot easier to keep up to a seven year old who’s not fond of crazy rides than it is to keep up to a thirteen year old who thinks “the crazier, the better”.
Go out, and celebrate your youth, in whatever way you can, with whatever youth you have in your heart!
via Daily Prompt: Youth
I’ve been on holidays for a week. Well, I guess this is the eighth day away from work now and I don’t go back till Monday morning😊
And what an awesome week. I’ve hung out with my kids for most of it. Amusement park. Museums. Swimming pools. And food. Lots of delicious food- some of it cooked at home out of my own garden, and some of it prepared by others for us when we were on the road.
Even with my seven year old having a flu for a couple days and the eleven year old fighting a cold the last couple days, it’s been an awesome week.
But now… I sit hear feeling sorry for myself as the girls watch tv, knowing that tomorrow morning they go back to their mom. It’s like having my heart ripped out knowing it’ll be a couple weeks before I see them again. And so I sit, trying to get my feelings under control so I can enjoy the rest of this vacation.
Divorce sucks. I pray that those of you who’ve never been through that never have to either.
OK, so this title is not very original- it’s based on a chapter in the book I’m reading (Conversations with a Rattlesnake by Fleury and Barthel). Chapter 9 in that book is titled “Learning to sit with Your Shit”. It’s a fascinating read about a part of emotional healing that I have to really work on.
The idea is to let oneself sit and feel the emotion of what is going on, no matter how shitty (Okay, I’ll try stop using the “s” word now) it is. The concept behind this, and I know it works for me, is that by allowing the emotions to flow, and trying to interact with my own emotions, I can actually deal with and understand what I’m feeling. This tends to- when I remember to use this technique- really help me get all the way through what I’m feeling and why, instead of just quelling it and running from my emotions.
It’s a real STRUGGLE most of the time though. Really, who wants to sit in THAT???
And to be fair, there are many emotions that I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have had professionals force me to “sit in it”. There are some things that I definitely shouldn’t process on my own, although that is a smaller and smaller part of my emotional reportoire these days, as I get more and more comfortable with myself.
I’d love to hear anybody else’s experiences with “sitting in it”
Written in response to today’s daily prompt:Struggle
No, not the kind I could put into my body. I’m talking about the kind of natural chemicals that my body produces to help me deal with stress, reward me when I’m satisfied, and keep me balanced. GABA, Dopamine, Cortisol, Oxytocin, etc. I’m in the middle of a book “Converstions with a Rattlesnake” about healing from trauma and addictions, and the last chapter I read was a rather overwhelming exploration of how these different chemicals, produced by the human body, interact with each other to affect my mental health and emotional well being.
It fascinates me to see some of the science behind the awesome high that can be had from human interaction. Simply gazing into the eyes of someone who cares about me can flood me with oxytocin. How much more, then, the rush from an embrace, or my favorite- “heart-to-heart” as taught in the Hoffman process.
I wonder, though, how much of what I need could be fullfilled by self love? As a single, divorced dad who doesn’t get to see his kids enough, can I love myself enough to fill the void of human interaction?
I know that there is a relatively intense satisfaction in writing in my gratitude journal. I also know that getting into meaningful, caring conversation online, like here on WordPress can do something for my well being. There’s so much to learn, I’d love to hear about others’ perspectives on this.
Love you all,
Ah, the relativity of it all
One loves it, but it can cause another’s fall
“This whiskey is so smooth”, they say
And I enjoyed a sip yesterday
Like all good things, moderation
Is the key, or this libation
Could be a nasty master indeed
As could a little rolled up weed
And when my life is going smooth
And I’m not looking for a soothe
I do enjoy a glass of something smooth.
Written as a response to today’s daily prompt of “smooth”. When I read the word, Chris Stapleton’s voice singing “Tennessee Whiskey” popped into my head. And I know whiskey doen’t taste smooth to everyone, but it is a pleasure I enjoy.