Bridging to the Future

Needing a Bridge
Bridge

First a confession. I’ve been selfishly bitter lately. I hid it with intentions of public protection, but really I was wallowing in bitterness to my molester.

The story all started a few weeks ago when I was told that the guy who molested me- who is listed on the Canadian sex offender registry and living under release conditions that prohibit his contact with minors- is now a Counselor. Yes, you read that right. But the info wasn’t quite right- he wasn’t a counselor yet, he was doing a practicum as part of his Masters in Counseling studies. The clinic he was doing the practicum at did a heck of a sales job bragging up how great a guy the rapist is. They bragged about his successful career as a teacher (which he lost due to his crimes), his successful career as a teacher(which he started when he lost his teaching job, and lost when he was convicted and sentenced), and on and on.

For any who’ve read some of my previous posts (like this) this won’t come as a major surprise. I flipped!! I called my brother who’s been with me in this from the start, and over the next few days we called everyone we could think of:
– the police who after a lot of checking said “wish we could stop this cause it’s sick, but he’s not breaking any laws.”
– the counseling clinic who’s owner said “he’s a good guy who served his time, he deserves a second chance, and just wants to help people”
– the university he’s studying at, talked to the dean of the counseling program, who consulted with their lawyer, who then wrote a carefully worded letter saying that they only care about academic performance.

To us, he’s just carrying on his trend of looking for vocations which will put him in one-on-one situations with vulnerable people.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I NEED TO LET IT GO!! I can’t let the bitterness over what happened yesterday ruin my today. And so, as I turn these words over to cyberspace, I turn vengeance over to God. I can’t do anything (legally) about him. And I can’t dwell on it anymore. So now, as I BRIDGE to tomorrow, I need to set boundaries, so that when anyone wants to talk about “him who will no longer be talked about”, I can change the subject of conversation.

So help me God!

Duane

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Are You F’ing Kidding Me?

Some things boggle my mind.  I’m listening to sports talk radio this week- the Jim Rome show- when he reads throught the Penn State Nittany Lions’ list of promotions that are happening this season.  And there, on September 17, it reads “commemoration of the fiftieth anniversary of coach Joe Paterno”.  SERIOUSLY????  Where do they have their heads stuck?  Do they read the news?  Do they pay any attention at all to what society thinks of Joe’s reputation?

If you don’t know what I’m writing about, google “Paterno” or “Sandusky”.  In a nutshell, Joe’s employee, Sandusky, abused children in his role with the program for many years.  There are allegations in court documents that suggest Joe Paterno knew of, and HID, these crimes starting way back in 1976.  Ten years after he started at Penn State.  So maybe there celebrating the Fortieth anniversary of him starting his cover up for a pedophile?

What does this tell the victims?  Or other victime of similar crimes who haven’t dared to speak of their horrors yet?  A couple years ago, they took down Paterno’s statue from in front of their stadium, now they’re going to commemorate him.  What they should be doing is building a monument to all the victims of the crimes he covered up, or having a moment of silence before the game for victims of sexual crimes everywhere.  But don’t expect that to happen.  Paterno is their hero, and they will ignore his crimes and those who were hurt by his crimes.

“His crimes?” you ask?  Yes, his crimes.  If anyone knows about crimes against innocent children, and doesn’t stop those crimes, then covering up and allowing the abuse to continue is just as evil as actually doing the abuse.

I don’t seriously expect this little post to make any difference in the grand scheme of things, but I needed to vent, so thanks for the space to do that.

Just my opinion.

Duane

Public Safety or Vengeance?

Or What’s this about castrating molesters?

I read last week about a politician in, I believe, Alabama, who is suggesting that the only way an adult who sexually assaults a child under the age of twelve should never be released from prison without being surgically sterilized.  I’m sorry if I don’t have the details quite right, I can’t even remember where I read it.    Thank You Sir!

I should preface the rest of this discussion by saying that I am a survivor, and don’t believe that I am speaking out of turn about this issue, however I also acknowledge that everyone’s experience is different and I do not speak for every survivor.

Now this notion stirs a lot of emotion in me and in people in general.  When I said “thank you” a little earlier, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I agree with him, but it did get me thinking, and that’s (almost) always a good thing.  You could approach his proposal from many different perspectives.  First there is the politically correct notion that it’s all about the protection of other children from being further victims of the same predator.  Secondly, there is the notion that it’s all about  punishment for what the offender has done.  Thirdly, there are the objectors who insist that this is an inhumane idea.  I will try to very briefly address these three, and I’d love it if you would add angles to this discussion that I didn’t address.

First- PUBLIC SAFETY.  Great idea.  Frankly, if the only way to make sure that a repeat offender couldn’t re-offend was to lock him away for life, I’d be all for that.  The question is, does surgical sterilization take away an abusive person’s sex drive or violent nature?  I’m not an expert on that, so comment away, I can’t prove anybody wrong on either side of that debate, and that would have to be answered before this viewpoint really could be validated.  I’m sure there are experts who believe in both positions on this.

Second- PUNISHMENT.  Okay, now here’s where emotions come into the discussion for me.  In this prior post- https://dueyvan.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/on-over-reaction – I discuss what it feels like for me to have my molester walking the streets.  I don’t have any sympathy for molesters, and I’m not sure I’d disagree with lifetime sentences or banishment from everyday society.  If I caught somebody molesting a kid, I’d probably be on trial for serious assault or murder.  So, I don’t think castration is excessive from that perspective.  But ultimately this is driven by a human desire for vengeance, and “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord” is something I’ve heard often.  I’ve striven to forgive, and that’s darn hard to do.  This is such an emotional issue, and I could go on for hours about that.

Thirdly- INHUMANE-  Is it now?  Really, does someone who cannot respect the sexual rights of children, really deserve the right to maintain their own sexual life?  Is it really that brutal to expect someone to live the rest of their life without sex organs?  I think this argument is ludicrous, but I don’t really think a lot of sexual molesters and their rights.

If you’ve read this far, Thank You!  Please comment, and if you’d like to, feel free to share.

Duane