Are You F’ing Kidding Me?

Some things boggle my mind.  I’m listening to sports talk radio this week- the Jim Rome show- when he reads throught the Penn State Nittany Lions’ list of promotions that are happening this season.  And there, on September 17, it reads “commemoration of the fiftieth anniversary of coach Joe Paterno”.  SERIOUSLY????  Where do they have their heads stuck?  Do they read the news?  Do they pay any attention at all to what society thinks of Joe’s reputation?

If you don’t know what I’m writing about, google “Paterno” or “Sandusky”.  In a nutshell, Joe’s employee, Sandusky, abused children in his role with the program for many years.  There are allegations in court documents that suggest Joe Paterno knew of, and HID, these crimes starting way back in 1976.  Ten years after he started at Penn State.  So maybe there celebrating the Fortieth anniversary of him starting his cover up for a pedophile?

What does this tell the victims?  Or other victime of similar crimes who haven’t dared to speak of their horrors yet?  A couple years ago, they took down Paterno’s statue from in front of their stadium, now they’re going to commemorate him.  What they should be doing is building a monument to all the victims of the crimes he covered up, or having a moment of silence before the game for victims of sexual crimes everywhere.  But don’t expect that to happen.  Paterno is their hero, and they will ignore his crimes and those who were hurt by his crimes.

“His crimes?” you ask?  Yes, his crimes.  If anyone knows about crimes against innocent children, and doesn’t stop those crimes, then covering up and allowing the abuse to continue is just as evil as actually doing the abuse.

I don’t seriously expect this little post to make any difference in the grand scheme of things, but I needed to vent, so thanks for the space to do that.

Just my opinion.

Duane

Such Sweet Mistakes

Sweet Mistakes, Such Sweet Mistakesmistake.

As a divorced dad, there’s people who ask what I’d do different if I could do it over.  They suggest that having married my kids’ mom was a mistake.  And maybe in a lot of ways it was.  But, Oh, what a sweet mistake.  Because of that “mistake” I have three beautiful, sweet daughters that I love deeply and I know they love me too.  Besides that, there was a lot of good to that marriage, and never minding the things that ended it, I try to remember with pleasure the good that came from that “mistake”.

But, let’s set me aside for a couple minutes here.  I’m sure all of my readers know somebody who was born as a “mistake”, right?  I mean, some people say they were a “surprise”, or an “accident”, but we all know what that means- their mom made a mistake, and had a child.  What a sweet punishment for having a mistake, right?  I’m not seeking to minimize the hardships of unplanned pregnancy, or single motherhood, or any of those things.  We all know that is an incredibly tough row to hoe.  But who can hold a baby, then watch them grow, and call that precious life a “mistake”?

I’d love to hear it if you think I’m nuts…that would just be another mistake to lear from, eh?

Duane

 

via Daily Prompt: Mistake

To Love Again

Learning to Love (and Live) Again

We met cautiously, online
Then for a glass or two of wine
There was an unspoken, mutual hope
That we could more than cope

There’s been, for both, heartbreak and pain
Perhaps we can break that miserable chain
Maybe together we’ll learn
And find that for which all yearn

Two souls with mutual trust
Past loves have all gone bust
But all beings crave to be
One of two, loving tenderly

Oh, so slowly, softly, day by day
Learning, trusting, till some day
We may, side by side, partners be
One flesh, one mind, loving tenderly

Wishing love for you all,
Duane

 

via Daily Prompt: Learning

The Youth in Me.

Only “as old as I act”? Or is it “as old as I feel”?

I prefer “As YOUNG as I wanna be”!

I’m too young for questions that complicated. Ya right!  But I did have a lot of fun hanging out with my kids this week, and not acting my age.  I guess to someone in their fifty’s,  in forty is the prime of youth anyway, right?  It was a lot of fun to go on amusement park rides that my logical mind told me I’d have to be insane to do.  It’s a lot easier to keep up to a seven year old who’s not fond of crazy rides than it is to keep up to a thirteen year old who thinks “the crazier, the better”.

Go out, and celebrate your youth, in whatever way you can, with whatever youth you have in your heart!

Cheers,

Duane

via Daily Prompt: Youth

Sitting in S#!t

OK, so this title is not very original- it’s based on a chapter in the book I’m reading (Conversations with a Rattlesnake by Fleury and Barthel). Chapter 9 in that book is titled “Learning to sit with Your Shit”. It’s a fascinating read about a part of emotional healing that I have to really work on.

The idea is to let oneself sit and feel the emotion of what is going on, no matter how shitty (Okay, I’ll try stop using the “s” word now) it is. The concept behind this, and I know it works for me, is that by allowing the emotions to flow, and trying to interact with my own emotions, I can actually deal with and understand what I’m feeling. This tends to- when I remember to use this technique- really help me get all the way through what I’m feeling and why, instead of just quelling it and running from my emotions.

It’s a real STRUGGLE most of the time though. Really, who wants to sit in THAT???
And to be fair, there are many emotions that I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have had professionals force me to “sit in it”. There are some things that I definitely shouldn’t process on my own, although that is a smaller and smaller part of my emotional reportoire these days, as I get more and more comfortable with myself.

I’d love to hear anybody else’s experiences with “sitting in it”

Lotsa luv,
Duane

Written in response to today’s daily prompt:Struggle

Brain drugs

Drugs???

No, not the kind I could put into my body. I’m talking about the kind of natural chemicals that my body produces to help me deal with stress, reward me when I’m satisfied, and keep me balanced. GABA, Dopamine, Cortisol, Oxytocin, etc. I’m in the middle of a book “Converstions with a Rattlesnake” about healing from trauma and addictions, and the last chapter I read was a rather overwhelming exploration of how these different chemicals, produced by the human body, interact with each other to affect my mental health and emotional well being.

It fascinates me to see some of the science behind the awesome high that can be had from human interaction. Simply gazing into the eyes of someone who cares about me can flood me with oxytocin. How much more, then, the rush from an embrace, or my favorite- “heart-to-heart” as taught in the Hoffman process.

I wonder, though, how much of what I need could be fullfilled by self love? As a single, divorced dad who doesn’t get to see his kids enough, can I love myself enough to fill the void of human interaction?

I know that there is a relatively intense satisfaction in writing in my gratitude journal. I also know that getting into meaningful, caring conversation online, like here on WordPress can do something for my well being. There’s so much to learn, I’d love to hear about others’ perspectives on this.

Love you all,

Duane

As Smooth as Tennessee Whiskey

Smooth

Ah, the relativity of it all
One loves it, but it can cause another’s fall

“This whiskey is so smooth”, they say
And I enjoyed a sip yesterday

Like all good things, moderation
Is the key, or this libation

Could be a nasty master indeed
As could a little rolled up weed

And when my life is going smooth
And I’m not looking for a soothe

I do enjoy a glass of something smooth.
Duey

Smooth

Written as a response to today’s daily prompt of “smooth”. When I read the word, Chris Stapleton’s voice singing “Tennessee Whiskey” popped into my head. And I know whiskey doen’t taste smooth to everyone, but it is a pleasure I enjoy.

Cheers y’all!

Duey

Orderly, Eh?

So todays daily prompt word is “Orderly”.  I’ve never written a post in response to a daily prompt, but since I just wrote a blog on the use of “I” vs. “you”- Language- You vs. I – the idea of order kind of caught my fancy.  See, a lot of my life has not gone according to what many would consider to be good order.  Maybe even disorderly would be a better way to describe a lot of my life.  Now, to be fair, most of the disorder wasn’t created by me, nor would I wish it on anyone.

However, when I own the disorder in my past, I give my life a chance to gain order.  Blaming others for the disorder only helps me to wallow in self pity, whereas owning the fact that this happened, enables me to ponder- now how can I turn the lemons into lemonade, the disorder into order.  I think the disorder from my past has made me a stronger person, and now I can enjoy a more orderly life.

Cheers, Y’all
Orderly

Language- You vs. I

Ah, the power of words.  I, as a graduate of the Hoffman Process, had the use of “I” drilled into me again and again.  I might not be a quick learner, but I do learn.

Huh?  What am I talking about?

Let me explain.  If I am talking abaout the effects of childhood abuse on the brain, I could say “when you have been abused, you tend to have a hard time understanding love”.  But when I say “I was abused, and therefore I have had a hard time understanding love”, and own my own experience, it makes a personal connection with what I am saying.  And isn’t that personal connection what I need most of all?  In order to move from “Post Traumatic Stress” to what Theo Fleury calls “Post Traumatic Growth”,  I need to own where I have been.  I have been through a lot, and I’d like to think I have owned it.

But was that mean in each of our own daily lives?  Well, the same thing can be said for these two statements, both referring to a mistake by one member of a team, as I like to think of my workplace as a team.  “HE forgot the cost of those extra parts” vs. “WE forgot the cost of those extra parts”.  See how easy it is for me to blame some one else for the mistake, versus taking ownership of it as a team, and sharing the blame?  Which way of dealing with my co-workers or children- yes, this can be applied to family life as well- is likely to get a greater positive result going forward?

Just my random OCD musing about grammar, making it onto the web this time instead of just floating around my head.

God Bless Y’all, and may love fill each of OUR lives.